13 days
Til I get to see him again.
Fuck. That still seems so far away..
I’m glad I’ll be going to Miami for a few days.. I’ll try to get my mind off of missing him so much by tanning my little heart out :)
Can’t wait to kiss you again boo.
when i heard you had to go i couldn’t believe my ears
a passionate hopeful soul that inspired a life without fear
i never got to say goodbye to you the right way
i don’t think any of us did
you left your mark on this world and all of our hearts you shine so bright
just like the star you wanted to be
just like the star you always were
now you light up our way so we know you’re with us
i smile when i think about the show we had in the city
we laughed on the van ride home and you said
“follow your heart and just make that mistake
you only get one chance to go so far
so stop living it safe and just make that mistake
you might fall on your face or might just be a star”
and you were that star
you left your mark on this world and all of our hearts you shine so bright
just like the star you wanted to be
just like the star you always were
now you light up our way.
so we know you’re with us.
Three years ago today, I went to bed without a care in the world.
The next morning, I woke up to the worst news I’ve ever recieved.
You were gone.
While so much time has passed, I can say not a day goes by I don’t think about you.
I can never walk past Lilah’s block without envisioning your car still on her corner, where you parked that night; the last time I would ever see you.
Everytime I think of my “good ol’ college years”, I picture you sitting on the floor right next to me, beers in hand.
Everytime I think of you, my heart breaks just a little more and more…
These are the things I wish I had said to you:
Thank you.
I would have never made it out of my depression without you.
You taught me how to be myself, how to love myself, how to really live.
You taught me that it was okay to be a little over the top.
You helped me let go of the past and forgive.
You showed me what I deserved in a relationship by not letting me accept anything less.
I loved you like a brother.
You were my best friend.
When everything went down freshman year, you held me and you let me cry.
When I fucked up and chose him over our friendship, you took me back and didn’t even ask for an apology.
Every major memory I have of Purchase.. Every milestone.. You were somehow there.
They say you should never get a tattoo for a guy and yet a year after you left us I got one for you. I got our song, the way we always used to sing it (though slightly incorrect). On my ribcage, where I knew it would hurt. And the reasoning.. No amount of pain would compare to the pain of losing my best friend, losing him far too early in his life.
You were stolen from us. We all needed you and you just left. I still don’t understand why it had to happen, why it went the way it did. I never will. I will never accept that you’re gone. But it’s something I must get used to.
It’s been three years since I’ve seen your smile or heard your laugh. It’s been three years since you’ve called me a stupid nickname or made fun of my Spanish accent that only comes out when I’m drunk. And yet it still feels like yesterday. Your face is still clear in my mind. I can still hear your voice. I still hear you singing along to our favorite songs. I remember when you sang the songs you wrote to me.. How you wouldn’t let me look at you cuz you were too embarrassed to be singing. I thought it was so silly since you wouldn’t let anything else embarrass you ever.
I remember riding in your car with you the last time we saw eachother. You were so sure you were gonna make it and get signed to a label and become a rock star. If only you knew you already were one. If only you knew just how many people truly loved you.
Maybe we just didn’t tell you enough.
When I found out you were gone, no amount of words was able to express just how bad I felt. How sick to my stomach I was. So I did the only thing that made sense.. The only thing I knew you’d be sure to understand.. The only way I was able to convey my feelings.. I burned you a mix. It had every song we used to play when we would hang out. It had every song we would sing along to for hours on end on repeat. The story of our friendship was on that disc, only for you and I to understand. And then I had them bury it with you, in your jacket pocket. I didn’t even keep a copy of it for myself. There was no need to. Those songs, that story, would never be the same again.
One day I’ll see you again. I’m sure of it. And we will be able to catch up on all the years we’ve missed. I look forward to that day, Joe. I look forward to be able to laugh with you again. I look
forward to being reunited with my best friend.
“and I’ll never be the same without you”
Anonymous asked: oh gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl you so flyyyyyyyyyyyyy
why thank you anon. you’re pretty handsome yourself, grey face and all..
